The Struggle
Here I am again, standing alone in these crowded halls.
Maybe this year I’ll finally make my father proud.
My sister went here - 4.0, star of the show.
I lag far behind, just trying to survive.
If I can control my stuttering speech, maybe I’ll achieve what I so desperately seek.
Ego crushing
Faith busting
I’m struggling here
I see an opening.
I take a chance
Praying for success.
It blows up in my face
And I fall from space
Covered in disgrace
People scatter
Like I don’t matter.
Alone, I step back - back into my hole
wishing I were home.
What was I thinking?
I must have been insane
Thinking I could possibly make some gains.
Ego crushing
Faith busting
I’m struggling here
————————————————————————————————
September Kiss
We walked along a wooded path.
Cotton candy clouds in a September sky.
The first hint of autumn in the air.
The tantalizing scent of her perfume in the soft breeze on my face.
She took my hand when we stopped at the bench we claimed as ours.
She tossed her hair and kissed me.
Her touch was like an electric shock!
I could barely stand.
I leaned forward to reciprocate
But she stopped me cold.
I had it all wrong.
What I thought was a beginning was actually the end.
“Goodbye my friend,” she softly said. “Maybe some day we’ll meet again.”
She walked down the path and out of my life.
My heart sank and tears welled up.
I collapsed onto the bench in stunned silence.
Dreams of our moments together tortured me in my dreams
Fall has given way to the gray skies of winter
Dark angry clouds are filled with rain.
The pain is fading but the memory of our time together lingers.
And I can’t help but wonder
Does she ever think of me
And remember …
That September kiss?
———————————————————————————————-
A Sister’s Love
You were first, The Big Sister. A star pupil.
Focused and disciplined, you glide effortlessly above the fray as you go your own way.
I struggle in your shadow
unable to match your pace.
Disappointment is etched on Father’s face.
You soar, I stumble.
You climb, I tumble.
I can’t talk and school is hard and I’m not smart and our parents’ marriage has blown apart and Mom has a broken heart and I can’t help but feel I failed my part.
It hurts so much, this remorse.
I’m not sure I can stay this course.
Oh, Big Sister, I’m going through hell.
I’m so alone and need you home.
We sit on the kitchen floor, your hand comforting mine as I wipe away the tears.
A storm rages outside
I’m not at fault, you say, they’ve had problems from the start.
“You’re only a disappointment if you don’t try. Now stand up tall. Life’s a fight. You’ll never succeed if you don’t give it all your might.”
So I head out, determined to succeed somehow.
Cuz I really do want to make my sister proud.
We’re as different as can be, you and me.
You’re gold and I am rust.
You’re “A” and I’m “Z.”
But you’re my sister and I’m your brother and we will always have each other.
————————————————————————————————-
Disappear
I see you up there in the rarified air.
Infectious giggle.
Golden hair like sunbeams.
Sophisticated and cool.
Looking just right.
I bet you’re never alone on a Saturday night.
I’m down here, with rocks in my mouth
And words I can’t get out.
I try so hard, but remain subpar.
Hidden in the shadows
I can only admire you from afar.
I wanna scream but you won’t hear.
I just…
Disappear.
———————————————————————————————
Collision Course
I saw the pain in her eyes and heard the hurt in her voice.
She had tolerated him for too long and the wounds went deep.
She seemed…
Incomplete.
I was gentle and kind.
I tried to be sweet.
She misunderstood and called me weak.
With no recourse, I had set us on a collision course.
Then you came along
Bewitching and bubbly with big brown eyes and long auburn hair.
We walked hand-in-hand along the sand
Listening to our favorite band
You made me happy
I felt so grand
But it wouldn’t last
The call came out of the blue on a sunny afternoon.
And I knew we were doomed.
Looking back, I should have seen it coming.
I am a son of troubled parents and a product of divorce.
Your folks no doubt thought I was setting us up on a collision course.
You went one direction and I another,
tossing my parents’ dysfunction into the gutter.
Their ways aren’t mine and I’m leaving them behind.
I’m blazing my own trail on the straight and narrow
Trying desperately not to fail.
Life is a struggle
like a puzzle with too few pieces or a race that never ends.
I have to choose wisely.
‘Cuz if I pick the wrong horse,
I could find myself on another
Collision course.
